I am not Perfect
I've always tried to be perfect.
Let me rephrase that: I was conditioned to believe that anything less than perfect in was intolerable.
But perfection is a hard standard to live up to.
Perfection is a heavy weight to carry because it unintentionally places the burden of everyone else on your shoulders.
If I'm perfect, we will get along and we won't fight and they won't leave.
If I'm perfect, I'll get the job I want and be promoted.
If I'm perfect, I'll have no health, finance, or relationship issues.
But people and life are unpredictable and hardships inevitably happen and, if it's my responsibility to keep everything right, these hardships speak of my failure.
My boyfriend and I broke up? It's my fault.
My parents aren't involved in my life? It's my fault.
I didn't get the job I wanted? It's my fault.
Being perfect is exhausting.
Jesus didn't go to the cross for the perfect. If there were such a thing as perfect, He wouldn't have had to come to earth in the first place.
As Jesus put it, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick" (Luke 5:31).
Thankfully, Jesus loves us in our imperfections and uses us in spite of our imperfections (and sometimes because of them).
But what do you do when the way you've thought and lived the entirety of your life doesn't add up to scripture? How do you move forward into something that is so foreign it feels like speaking another language?
This is the place the Lord has brought me to - to my knees in recognition and repentance that I am not, nor will I ever be perfect -- to take one small step at a time, to be still before Him, allowing Him to wash and cleanse me and my words by His Word.
Being imperfect means I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time; I will inevitably accidentally upset someone because I didn't think before I spoke. I might not end up with the dream job, or house, or friendships and relationships.
I don't know how to navigate this, honestly, but my sweet Jesus is speaking loudly as He covers me in grace and love to walk into the unknown of imperfect.
Just because you aren't perfect, doesn't mean you are worthless.
Worth does not come from being perfect, from having the right answers, from avoiding conflict and strife. Worth comes simply because I (and you!) was created in the image of God, He breathed life into me, He went to the cross for me.
I find my worth in being His. Imperfectly.