Posts

Showing posts from 2017

I am not Perfect

I've always tried to be perfect. 
Let me rephrase that: I was conditioned to believe that anything less than perfect in was intolerable. 
But perfection is a hard standard to live up to. 
Perfection is a heavy weight to carry because it unintentionally places the burden of everyone else on your shoulders. 
If I'm perfect, we will get along and we won't fight and they won't leave. If I'm perfect, I'll get the job I want and be promoted.  If I'm perfect, I'll have no health, finance, or relationship issues
But people and life are unpredictable and hardships inevitably happen and, if it's my responsibility to keep everything right, these hardships speak of my failure. 
My boyfriend and I broke up? It's my fault.  My parents aren't involved in my life? It's my fault.  I didn't get the job I wanted? It's my fault. 
Being perfect is exhausting. 
And impossible. 
Jesus didn't go to the cross for the perfect. If there were such a thing as perfe…

Things I Can't Tell You

Dear you,

There are a lot of things that I am feeling and working through right now. Things you aren't even aware of. The last few years of my life have been a journey. I've seen deep bottoms and beautiful highs. I've seen tears streaming down my face from aches and wounds that I didn't know exist and I've seen laughter until my stomach hurt. Life is interesting that way -- in the middle of some of the worst experiences there is joy and laughter. I think that is one of God's gifts to us -- that deep bellyaching laugh that comes from some unexpected source in the midst of some of the deepest pains we've experienced.

I can't share any of these things with you -- the tears, the deep pains, the bellyaching laughter -- you wouldn't understand it. You would tell me to "man up" and muddle through because life is a series of hurts.

I can't share any of this with you because, if I'm honest, most of the pain comes from you. For as long as I …

Hope in the Midst

It has been a long time since I've had the courage to sit down and write about the things that the Lord is doing in my life. To be totally honest - its been a painful season - but it is in the midst of that pain, that I am learning to see the Lord clearer.

"God has been tenderly reminding me that pain itself is not the enemy. Pain is the indicator that brokenness exists. Pain is the gift that motivates us to fight with brave tenacity and fierce determination, knowing there is healing on the other side.... Pain is the invitation for God to move in and replace our faltering strength with His." - Lisa TerKeurst 

My journey started when the Lord called me to New Jersey, over three years ago now. I had no idea what He was asking me to walk into. As I've shared in previous entries, a short time after moving to New Jersey I began experiencing panic attacks. It wasn't until these past few months that I started to really learn why. Which is exactly why the Lord moved me to…