A Different Kind of Woman

You know, one of the hardest things for me to come to grips with is who I am as a woman. Which is kind of ironic considering the title of my blog. 

For so long, I have tried to be what other people wanted me to be. I learned to mind my p's and q's and to act and speak in a certain way to avoid any confrontation. I changed my language, my dress and my mannerisms depending on who I was with. I never quite felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't even know what my own skin looked like. 

I began on a journey 2 and a half years ago when I moved to New Jersey that I didn't even know I started. I am just beginning to see it now. And even then, its not the whole picture, just blurry bits and pieces. My journey was not to move across country or to even start adulthood on my own. My journey was the journey of finding who I really am. And the truth is - the Bible is right. When you loose your life then you will find it. 

Loosing who I am was always my biggest fear. 

Who would I be if I wasn't...
the daughter of drug addicts
the daughter of a woman who died 
the daughter of a man who didn't seem to want me 
the granddaughter of an alocholic
the granddaughter who was always wrong
the granddaughter who met the back of a hand more times than she would care to admit
the girl that was left brokenhearted
the girl that gave and gave and gave of herself until there was nothing left. 

But the truth is, in loosing all of that there is FREEDOM. Because loosing myself means finding Him. Finding the God who created me and loved me before I even existed. 

The truth is, no matter where I go or what happens to me, the things I listed above will always be true. But that isn't who I am. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 
I am created in HIS image. 
I am created for good works that He preordained. 
I am washed by the blood of Jesus. 
I am made new in Christ. 
I am a daughter of the King. 
I am the apple of God's eye. 
I am never alone - for He is always with me. 
My name is inscribed on the palms of Jesus' hands. 
My God knows the numbers of hairs on my head. 
My God thinks about me more times than there are grains of sand on the earth.
And the list goes on and on and on... 

Tonight there was a fresh awakening to these truths. And these words poured out of me. Tonight, I was reminded that no matter the hardships I face - they do not define me. 

Who He is defines who I am. What He says about me defines me. He has made me and continues to make me the kind of woman He wants me to be - a different kind of woman, wholly set apart for Him. 

"The fact that I am a woman doesn't make me a different kind of Christian, the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman." - Elisabeth Elliot


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